Natural Learning

Thanks to grandma, we did a little school shopping at our local Montessori shop last week.  Some of the fun things we found there include Wildcraft: An Herbal Adventure Game,  a Peg Loom, CitiBlocs, and, a card game called Yoga Pretzels.  On the back of each card are step-by-step instructions for getting into the pose and additional insights about the pose's health benefits.  There are even breathing cards to help us, "slow down, increase awareness, and make non-reactive choices" and fun games like "Yogini Says!"  A. is really enjoying yoga this week and I'm amazed by how many poses this kid knows.

We're also enjoying the new cooperative game, Wildcraft... and I'm realizing just how much A. learned this summer.  After tragedy struck in early June, all my plans for doing a summer lesson block on healing herbs came to a crashing halt.  What kept going though was our little healing garden and actual use of the herbs found there.  Without any formal instruction, worksheets, or boxed-curriculum, A. has learned to identify herbs and edible flowers including elderberry, calendula, violas, sage, nettles, oatstraw, catnip, and peppermint and can explain a little about how each is used for healing. 

I've also been reading the California Content Standards for Kindergarten through Third Grade and dreaming up creative ways to cover this material this year.  While I won't adhere to the standards completely (that would take all of the fun out of homeschooling!), I do want A. to keep up with her peers in the event that we transition to traditional school at some point. 

I'm hoping that we can learn some of these standards the same way that A. learned about healing herbs this summer.  By seeking out teaching-moments and cultivating an open and curious attitude, we can encourage natural learning and avoid some of the resistance and stress that squashes creativity and takes the fun out of education.

Creating the World

Autumn.  It's almost here and I cannot wait.  I'm always going on about how important it is to be present -- to enjoy the moment... but this summer cannot end fast enough for me.

Some of my restlessness is the heat.  We live in a pretty rural area and there is not much to do to escape the high temperatures.  Some of my restlessness is my grief, I'm sure.  I want to get on with things and leave this summer behind.  I'm eager to shake off all of the funk and crust and emotions that are no longer serving me... and move forward into the cool, dark half of the year.

It's interesting how autumn, which is really and ending, is also the beginning.  It feels like the right time for starting school, for getting back to the books.  As the days grow shorter, our minds turn inward.  As the nights grow longer, a deeper stillness settles within us.  It's the time of year of introspection and rich, warm soup.

(Funny how this continuum of beginnings and endings seems to be a topic to which I keep returning.  See: What Are the "Two Simple Happenings?")    

We've been easing back into the school-year with half-days and will begin our full schedule September 12th with the full Harvest Moon.  I like working with nature's rhythms like this.  When we're tuned into our natural environment, we're more likely to also notice our changing inner-seasons.  

We're trying on some unit studies this year and our first area of interest is mythology.  I'm calling the lesson block, "Creating the World," and plan to look at cosmogonic myths from around the world and stories that illustrate our shared heritage as human beings.  I have plenty of books on hand and we've checked out quite an assortment from the library --- as well as several audio books and DVDs.  

We'll also look at some historical figures who have overcome hardship and/or helped shape the world as we know it -- people like Marie Curie, John Muir, Rachel Carson, Hellen Keller and Thurgood Marshall -- and explore how real-life heroes resemble the heroes of mythology.  And, of course, we'll explore how each and every one of us is the author of our own story, creating our world each day with the choices that we make. 

After everything my family has been through, I think looking at the hero's journey will help remind us that, while life is full of darkness, it is also full of finding the light. 

New Journeys

I've decided to start a new blog where I can explore and process the birth and death of our boy, Julien.  I'd like to invite you all to join me there.  The blog is titled Two Simple Happenings and I hope that it will be a help to anyone who has experienced loss or suffering.  

Om School isn't closing it's doors... in fact we've been hard at work all week preparing our classroom for the new year.  Getting back into a rhythm feels great.  We're practicing piano twice per day, reading two chapters per day, working with the calendar to track the moon, clouds, and temperature, and putting our heads together to choose this semester's subjects.  We've decided to step completely outside the packaged-curriculum box this year and I'm excited about the journey ahead of us.

Ocean Sunset

"Creation is only the projection into form of that which already exists." - The Bhagavad Gita

Honoring our Baby

We lost our little boy.  He never took his first breath.  One minute I was having a beautiful delivery and the next minute our Julien was gone.  

He would have been one month old this week.  After loving him every day for nine months, my whole body aches for him.  My belly is a hollow cave.  Still, at the same time, I feel him... I feel him like he never left me. 

We had a private funeral service and buried our sweet boy next to my grandparents.  An evergreen pear tree marks the space where his little body went back to Mother Earth.  As they lowered his casket, our daughter and I sang:  "We all come from the goddess... and to her we shall return -- like a drop of rain flowing to the ocean."  I truly believe that -- that the earth is a living thing... a goddess... our mother... from whom we are born and to whom we return.

Our daughter is heartbroken, of course.  She's asked a lot of questions and wants us to try to conceive again soon.  It's hard to even think about that but at the same time there is some comfort in the idea.  We still want another little soul to join our family.

My mind is full of questions.  I'm not sure what to do with the nursery or his clothes.  Do I sell everything?  Donate everything?  Do I box it up and put it away in case we are blessed with another pregnancy?  Will I want to see Julien's clothes on a different baby?  Am I strong enough to make these choices?

Time is beginning to feel real again but the first few weeks were a blur.  It felt like sitting in the eye of a hurricane -- the world rushing by while I sat still in the middle just holding on to the feeling of being close to him.  

We've been to the ocean as much as possible -- I feel close to him there too... under the big spacious sky.  Julien's name means, "sky," actually.  His whole name, Julien Honor, was inspired by a quote from the Buddha... it means to remember the pure, open sky of our own true nature.  We are not just these bodies having this experience.  We are so much more than that.  We are infinite and luminous -- vast like the sky.  

I had no idea how important his namesake would end up being.  Now, whenever I sit in meditation, when I sit on the beach, when I let myself dissolve into the sky, I feel him.  Even now, just thinking about it, I feel him... like a part of him never left me.  Our separateness is just an illusion, I think.  By remembering this, I feel like I'm honoring him.

I just finished reading a book exploring the Heart Sutra by Mu Soeng.  In it he says, "In the great ocean the wave and the water can not be separated from each another; the wave is the water and the water is the wave."  This resonates with me so deeply.

I'm writing here now hoping to process some of it -- hoping that writing about it will help me heal.  It's still so raw and both real and unreal.  I lost my dad last year and have spent a considerable amount of time thinking about death, reading about death, meditating on death, talking to our daughter about death, and considering our impermanence.  Maybe some of that is helping now.  It's really hard to know for sure -- but beneath my grief I do feel a sense of calm.

Maybe what gives life beauty is our very capacity for feeling -- for loving and knowing that all we have here on earth is temporary.

Anyways, thanks for listening.  The support of family and friends has helped keep my heart warm through it all.  Deep peace and many blessings to all.

Intentions for a Homebirth

Pregnancy to-do lists can go on forever.  I think of things to add faster than I can cross them off!   I'm due May 27th... so, after going over all of the details one last time, I'm putting this list of intentions down and not looking at it again!  Too much thinking makes me crazy.  It's time to just settle into these last few days and be present with whatever energies arise.

I'm so grateful for all of the people and experiences that have brought me to this place in my journey -- for the beautiful shower and blessingway, for the hand-crafted birth-mala, for the heartfelt note-cards, the abundance tree, the gift of a beautiful nursery, for my awesome midwives, and for every supportive word and vibration!   I am so blessed!!  I'm also excited about delivering this baby at home.  I didn't write a birth-plan because I know that plans change and I think it's better to have a "birth-general-idea" than something seen as set in stone.  Still, there are quite a few things that I'd like to remind myself to do or try when labor begins.  Here's what I'm visualizing:

light candles

turn on lavender diffuser

take a shower

call midwives & call or text friends and family

meditate

cut all blessing-way bracelets

fill the pool and bless with essential oils

make bed

put sheets on the co-sleeper

bake baby a birthday cake with big sister and daddy

listen to mantras

walk

use the birth ball

try Marjaryasana/Bitilasana - cat/cow pose

try Kaliasana - goddess/squat pose

talk to baby

breathe & connect with breath

meditate 20 minutes every hour

eat whole grains, almond butter, and drink water

stand on patio under oak trees

repeat mantra, "supported, present, and trusting."

The mantra (above) is the short version of the birth intentions I set last month:

• To know I am supported in every breath by my family and by an amazing network of beautiful and strong mamas. 
• To be fully present, aware, and connected with the magic of each moment
• To release, let go, and trust my body's ability to open and give safe passage to this baby.

My midwives have the most beautiful quotes up on their websites.  Colette's say's, "We have a secret in our culture... it's not that birth is painful. It's that women are strong." Laura Stavoe Harm.  

Laura's says, "There is power that comes to women when they give birth. They don't ask for it, it simply invades them.  Accumulates like clouds on the horizon and passes through, carrying the child with it."  - Sheryl Feldman  

I'm ready to welcome that power.  I've cleared my mind of can't, I'm releasing my fears with the waning moon, and I'm ready to welcome this new life into the world.  I feel supported by friends, family, and the age-old lineage of strong, able women who safely delivered their babies naturally.

What a gift it is to be at the center of the universe creating itself.  What an honor it is to have so much support. 

Just Being Present

Me - 38 weeks

I've been in prenatal la-la land and absent from the blogosphere for quite some time, haven't I?  The months have flown by -- relatively discomfort free... and I'm feeling truly blessed.  

Growing a new life within me turned out to be personal business though... so my writings found their way to a good old fashioned paper journal -- one that I've dedicated to Baby Om.  Big Sister has even taken to decorating the margins and adding her own loving notes for her baby brother.  I'm not sure what it is exactly, but my reflections feel better suited for that journal than the blogging world.

Maybe it's because this pregnancy feels so deeply spiritual.  After all, I'm right at the center of the universe creating itself -- and that is both empowering and humbling.  Throughout my pregnancy I've felt more inclined to simply be present for the experience than to publicly write about it.  I also think it's because we're planning a natural home-birth.  While I am confident in our decision, I haven't felt like debating with the naysayers. 

Big Sister and Mama

So what's been happening on the school front?  For our April mindfulness until, we looked at ACCEPTANCE.  We listened to the rain and learned how our resistance to our experiences often creates more discomfort than the experience itself.  For May, the month or flowers and of mothers, we're revisiting LOVING-KINDNESS.  You can read about last year's unit here.  Loving-kindness is the unconditional love that a mother feels for her child; a friendliness and warmth that reaches out and embraces others.  It's the feeling we experience when we hold our new baby in our arms.  Cultivating loving-kindness means holding ourselves and others this way too.

We wrapped up our formal academic year the first of May and are unschooling now.  While we've loved incorporating Waldorf methods into our routine, we're both relieved to have finished the curriculum and feeling a new surge of expansion and creativity now that the weekly lessons are completed.  I hope we'll be able to hone our unschooling skills this summer and continue with that approach in fall.  Only time will tell.

Until then, I'm due May 27th.  The baby is in a great position, fully engaged, and feels like he could come any minute.  Pregnancy causes us to slow down and take inventory of our lives.  Each breath, each drop of rain, each wildflower is an opportunity to connect more deeply.  Just being present often reveals the everyday blessing that might otherwise go overlooked.  This pregnancy has certainly unveiled the abundance in my life... and I am so very grateful.

I'll try to post again soon.  Many blessings to all.